Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
