the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
