You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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