I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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