I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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