forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
