about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
