I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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