Already got asked if we're dating
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like heaven, but drunker
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
