yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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