you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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