the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
