Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
