she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
