I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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