i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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