He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
