Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
