At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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