i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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