I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
