i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
