This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
