Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
