Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
