i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
