Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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