How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im holly from the hills drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How external is "for external use only"?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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