Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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