I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
