literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
