hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
