Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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