I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
