you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
