i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
