whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
