you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
