i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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