How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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