if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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