Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
