last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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