they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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