Having a random hookup so left but love u
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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