The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
