She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
