her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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