Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
