$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
