so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
