I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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