Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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