I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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